free period

I just want to write and fight
And find my mind
Beyond the time
We have here
To fear
What is left?
Among the bereft
And I can fly
So high the sky
Will fall but
I still call and
She will try to
Find out why
And pout and die
And echo as to why
And go home.

I carry the tome
And I cannot
Draw from below
Above me
The soul to go
Next to me
Who knows?
I cannot decipher
What it is
I’m a lifer
I’m here
I’m here
All the time
My life
ice, jude

Time and Again

Time after time we are again found in the same old familiar situation, staring at the same old familiar screen watching our hero make the same old fucking dumb mistakes.
  • Current Music
    Tears for Fears

new poem, untitled

necromanical evolution
defined by cloudy intuition
inside shady revolutions
of apocryphal contradiction

Metabolic consternation
Inside walls of yet unknown
Raise the flag; a broken nation
I'll give everything I own.

Broken stem of dying flowers
In a vase so filled with mud
Alone in a room with her for hours
consecrating sacred blood.

Spiral out in soft mute shadows
Go down to the path you seek
Walk up to the deathly gallows
and kindly give your life to me.

lots of poetry

Some of this is painful to post, but here we go:

Just for me; G Em Am D Capo 5
There was a lime green fadeout
Where we had once played
There was a time tested way out
For which we have not yet paid

And I cannot find
The reason why
I still don’t know
Quite why I cry
Every night before I
Drain myself to sleep
It’s just for me

Three kids shadows in dark
Where we hid out
In the woods in the park
We’d play and shout

And I don’t know why
It all went away
And I still don’t know
What to say today
When I’m confronted
By my demons
I guess it’s all
Just for me.

Two kids in shadows
One of us gone
He’s hidden where only god knows
We’ve got to move on

And I don’t know why
I stay here today
And I still don’t know
This price that I pay
When asked what I do
To the likes of you
I say:
It’s just for me.

One Inch; c am em g; Bb F Bb F Bb F C Capo 4
A candle’s falling wax
A gentle quiet leak
I’ve got to straighten the facts
I’ve no one with whom to speak

And where’d it all fade to?
The history that I had
It seems stability
Was but a passing fad

And now I see you here
Standing right next to me
And I’d give anything
Just to only be

One inch closer to you
One inch above the flood
I can’t begin to describe
What I’d give I would
Give everything to them
To simply softly be
Away from the crowds
Helpless alone and free.

A fire doused in hope
Extinguished by the fear
I can’t begin to hope
The future may be near

And now what do I have?
But everlasting bliss
I’ve everything I need
Right here in this

Thomas J. Eckleburg;
Amber waves of pain
Rise above a plain
Of white white grass
Obscuring the view
Of the dying city below

And you look into his eyes.
Do you see anything?
Where is the boy you loved?

He’s gone, he’s now a machine.
The boy you loved has left this place.
And he looks into your eyes.
What can he be thinking?

You don’t know anymore.

And where did it go wrong?
Where did you lose him?
Where did we lose our way?

Untitled 1;
Don’t worry now,
It’ll all be over soon.
Think of next year,
When it’s all over.
Think of next spring,
When that which is dead shall rise.
So shall we, like the others,
Again be reborn.

The Tempest;
The waves ride high
I can’t see you!
As high as the eye you severed
I can’t see you!

Come home now
Come home and kiss me
Hold me tight
I only want to be with you.

The clouds cry upon us,
But where are you?
I am alone in the dark
Where are you?

And the pain
It only goes to show
Speed down the lane
It only shows that I need you.

Untitled 2;
Think of then
Think of when plants grew
When I was me and you were you
When things that we now do
Didn’t get in the way.

A Crimson drop into a red pool.
It is complete.

I’m trying to make not apologizing a habit,
But it still comes through.
That’s me for you.

Untitled 3;
Sunset implies an end
But must it?
One end is another beginning
Let us treat it as such.

A wealth of destruction
A gong of perpetual pain
Rings among the severed

Bang bang, we all fall down.
It is our fault.
Bang bang, a sad child drowns
In out guilt.

A wealth of pain,
A gong of perpetual destruction
Rings among the destructors

We have lost our way
In this dying city
I don’t want to stay
In this dying city.

The pity that flows out
From under every door
Is hollow and unresounding
It is black and painful.

Haze envelops
And surrounds
My daze envelops
Me around
The axis
On the rope
Suspended by asia major
I hope
To endeavor
And find my way
To stay away
From what you say
You really hate that which I say
I won’t betray
Or take away what’s mine
From me to give
To you
I can see the truth
What’s true and what is
Not does not much
Matter, perspective is
Shot and torn and
Worn and shorn
By grief and pain
My name is gone
Not same and I have
No one else
To blame

Grizzled and Bare
The tree trunk stares at me
I didn’t know I swear
I’m sorry.

What will it take for me
To make you feel at home
What will it take for you to be
Comfortable with me?

I cut into the barrier of life
Slowly tracing the letters of your name.
I follow it with mine
And bind us to the same.

But nothing gold can stay
So let’s make it silver
I can’t say to you
What I want to
I can’t be for you
Who you want.

Can we just try
To work it out?
All night I cried
For your doubts.
  • Current Music
    Me- Just for me


Cannons cry,
children sigh,
those around the fire die,
and I’m trying to find why
I can’t go any further.

Push onward beyond the apocalypse
to now here we fly further.
Push down upon the oak tree
to where the demon reads his book about Egyptian girls,
where fire lends water the power to stay above the wave break;
where he can float free. I take the wheels off a toy car and strap them to my feet.

The devil in the flames asks me for the diamond heart
upon which rests the souls of the dead,
in which lies the redemption of us all.
I can’t give it up to him.

You gave me it when we met in the peach grove
and you told me to keep it with mine so that we could meet again
when we were free from parental folly
A tryst in the greenery and you gave it to me:
all I ever wanted under that tree in the grass as the sun went down.

Those words you spoke encased in carbon
with the eye of Horus blocking it
from the light of day
the eye of Horus giving me
my dreadful dirty say
the eye of Horus leading me

today in analysis

I wrote two fragments when i should've been studying the natural log.

Tie the rope across virgin skin
And whisper slowly in his ear
He will like it, be quiet, quiet.
No moving now, silence! silence.

Gag the mouth with silken thread
Close the eyes with a quiet dread
Do not let him get away.
He's not moving now, he's silent. Silent.

I'm sorry I'm sorry wake up please
no don't do this to me
what the fuck are you doing
who the fuck do you think you are
no no no no no
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry.
sunday morning
half past five
i hardly feel
like i'm alive.
i'm laying here
cloaked in fear
and i don't know
what is real

sunday morning
almost eight
i can feel
my oncoming fate
i get up now
i can't see how
i will find
a way to deal

sunday morning
and it brings
complete numbness
the phone rings
bring out now
the sacrificial cow
i will find
  • Current Music
    What Difference Does it Make?-The Smiths

synergy with beck.

as i sit here and listen to sea change, I am brought again to a level of consciousness not yet realized by the many. I feel my connection to everything growing. seeping, controlling.

But not controlling. It goes beyond control to a level of synchronized being. Synergy.
  • Current Music
    The Golden Age- Beck

Lyrics for a song and a poem

I'm writing a song right now. These are the lyrics I have in mind.

History passed away
with children left behind
By broken marriages
and lies their parents told them

I don’t want to stay
where I can’t hide
Lie in carriages
pulled by horses dead to us

I want to fly
so high
into the bright red sky
and I
can feel my mind splitting in two
I want to fly
From all the misery and all the pain
To be sane
and away from what tore me in two

Children born today
don’t know the pain I’m used to
Suffer well they say,
the pain goes through you

Children born today
don’t know the pain I’m used to
Suffer well they say,
the pain goes through you

I don’t want to stay
where I can’t hide
Lie in carriages
pulled by horses dead to us

I want to fly
so high
into the bright red sky
and I
can feel my mind splitting in two
I want to fly
From all the misery and all the pain
To be sane
and away from what tore me in two

Also, I shall gift you with a poem from a looooong time ago. Nine Months of Hell:

On my back in the street with the
feet of giants resting
squarely on my chest.
This all too familiar position:
both praying for and dreading oncoming traffic;
anything to end the torture,
but its continuation is all I really want.

On my back, used and beaten.
Unable to stand.
I see you standing there,
shielding your eyes from this
atrocity of mangled flesh,
the exhibition of the dying.
They are your feet holding me down,
even from far away.
Because of this, I know you don't want to help anyway.

I don't care anymore.
Do what you will,
because I want you to.
And here it is, the common thread
that always creeps into my consciousness.
The ever present masochistic longing
for pleasure in my own destruction.

Why does my self destructive longing
manifest itself in someone so perfect as you?
But now I remember.
You are gone,
and I am here.
Do I want to be?
I lapse.

You used to joke about how you tortured me,
was it denial?
Where you ignoring and hiding the truth
by disguising it in jest?
But that is over now;
speculation will get me nowhere.
You will never see this.