August 1st, 2009


(no subject)

Time goes by so slowly; but if you blink, you miss everything. You don't know who you are or where you've been when you snap back, but you're left with the same sinking feeling of loss and exasperation. You don't remember the last 20 minutes but you can still feel the green digits burning into your retinas as you watched the seconds melt away. Melt your eyes to time as it floats by, leave reality where you left yourself. You don't remember what self is, or if you ever knew. You exhale.

You choke on the news like a little kid on a jolly rancher. It hurts a place you haven't felt a while; forces you to exercise feelings you forgot until now, but it's all real again. You remember who you were, where you've been, and you feel guilty for not knowing before. You feel naive for ever thinking that forgetting was a way to manage it. That running would be a panacea. That denying would make reality pass away. That it was ever subjective.

Sounds fade out as the catatonia regains it's grasp and you fade back into unknowing. You have work in four and a half hours. You need to sleep.

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